NDSU tries to knock the jerks out
Finding the “the one” to marry and live happily ever after with is a difficult task.
Many people go through countless relationships trying to find someone to be with forever, and sometimes the person turns out to be a jerk.
NDSU’s Counseling Center will be teaching students and community members “how to avoid marrying a jerk” in a one-day session Saturday.
The program, created by Dr. John Van Epp, is described as “giving love 20/20 vision and seeing your partner for who that person really is,” according to johnvanepp.com.
The Web site outlines the main points such as “recognizing subtle, hidden signs of future problems, judging the partner’s true personality, analyzing the partner’s conscience, pacing the relationship to prevent premature emotional attachment, focusing on emotional health as to not be the jerk and delaying sex until trust and commitment are firmly in place.”
Marlys Borkhuis, Counseling Center assistant director and planner of the event, said the event came to NDSU because students attended a similar worksho in Grand Forks.
“I just loved the title,” Borkhuis said. “I approached our director and asked if we could present it here, and I got it ready.”
Borkhuis said people attending the seminar can learn about healthy relationships and what characteristics people should be aware of to be “heart safe.”
“I think some of us jump in with our hearts and our eyes are shut, our head turned off and we don’t look carefully at how to protect our heart,” she said. “Sometimes we get burned really badly. This could have long-term effects on us.”
The seminar will teach students, mothers, daughters and friends how to look for “red flags” in a relationship and how to talk about them.
Borkhuis said the seminar has good information and it brings out things people know about relationships but maybe have not consciously though about.
“One thing is the conscience. Does he or she feel bad if they hurt me?” Borkhuis said. “Sometimes I think we negate that, or think it was our fault and we don’t look at how important it (the conscience) is in a relationship.”
A preview of the event called “How to Avoid Dating a Jerk,” will be held from noon to 1 p.m. Friday in the MU Ballroom.
“(People) can’t avoid dating a jerk from time to time because (you) don’t know them but the point is to not date them long term,” Borkhuis said.
Both of the workshops not only look at the partner in a relationship, but also look at the “self,” said Borkhuis.
Some of the questions one can ask of themselves are, “am I a trustworthy person?” and “am I someone that people can rely on?”
Borkhuis said during the workshop she hopes people will open their eyes and realize there is more to relationships than just being in love.
To register for the seminar from 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. Saturday in the Alumni Center, call the NDSU Counseling Center at 231-7671. A $20 registration fee covers a workbook and lunch for the day.