What women don’t want
I have no idea what women want.
I realize that sounds strange coming from a woman who is currently in a happy relationship, but I have my reasons for saying that.
First of all, every woman is different. One woman’s must-have quality may be another woman’s biggest turn-off.
More importantly, if anyone, male or female, managed to figure out exactly what it is the opposite gender wants in a relationship and how to say it in a way that even the densest person would not miss, the advice still would not work for some people.
With that in mind, it is very unrealistic for me to believe what I say in this column will be that long-awaited breakthrough for guys trying to get a date.
However, since I do have some definite opinions on the subject, I will share them.
First of all, if we say no, we mean it.
Yes, persistence pays off in some situations, and yes, we females do change our minds from time to time, but if a guy has asked a girl out five times already and she has said no every time, she will not say yes the sixth time either. Move on to someone who won’t be voted most likely to ask for a restraining order.
I have a two-time limit before the guy gets added to my list of highly irritating people. No one wants to date someone who gets on their nerves.
Secondly, it is incredibly aggravating constantly hearing guys complain about how girls don’t like nice guys. Most girls do want a guy who will treat them right. The nice behavior in itself is not a turnoff. The turnoff is the complaining.
If you wanted to sell your car, you wouldn’t expect someone to buy it because you complained that no one else wanted it. The same is true in the dating world.
If you complain about how no one wants you because “girls don’t like nice guys,” you will not have women flocking to you, demanding to be the one to prove you wrong. It’s just not how human nature works.
Perhaps the most important thing to know is the hardest to follow: women do not want to date men who change themselves to be what they think women want. That comes across as fake, and also desperate. Women can smell desperation from about 10 miles away, and it is not attractive.
A desperate guy who just wants a girlfriend at any cost sends the message, “If you date me, you can kiss your nights with your female friends goodbye because I am so clingy I will smother you.” In short, we want men who will be themselves, not what they think we want.
In the end, just be yourself, be interested in what she has to say, flirt a little if it feels natural, and be willing to move on if the girl just isn’t interested.
It’s natural to want to date, but the people who end up in relationships are the ones who don’t act like it’s life or death.
Columnists' opinions do not necessarily reflect the views of The Spectrum