There’s no such thing as a free lunch
After going out to dinner with a member of the opposite sex, many of us have experienced that awkward moment when the check arrives.
Who is supposed to pay? Do you pay if you extended the invitation? Is the man always expected to pay? Should you split the check if you are not on a date? What if the other person considers it a date?
In the era of gender equality and women’s rights, dating etiquette has become unclear.
Men are faced with a double standard. Most women want to be treated as independent and self-sufficient.
Nevertheless, many women still appreciate men paying on dates, and some women expect it.
However, other women are insulted by men paying because they believe it will undermine their independence.
To further complicate the situation, some women protest when a man attempts to pay, but secretly enjoy the fact that he wants to.
In his book “How to Remodel a Man,” W. Bruce Cameron makes a statement about dating and romance I believe adequately describes the complexity of the situation: “The reason men don’t know what women want is because the biggest thing women want is for men to already know what women want.”
Another noteworthy issue arises when examining who pays on a date: If the man pays, what exactly does he think he is buying?
In the past, men were the providers and better employed, so it was logical to assume they would support women.
Now, however, the majority of women can financially support themselves.
Do women then feel some sort of obligation to a man if he pays for their expenses on a date?
Pop culture is filled with references to gold diggers, man-eaters and women who shake their moneymakers.
Does society now view women as selling their sexuality if they let men spend money on them?
Perhaps it is simply the symbolism of the act of paying women have grown to appreciate.
Conventionally, the man paying for dinner symbolizes two people are on a date.
A woman may view a man picking up the dinner check as a sign that he cares about her and is willing to make sacrifices for her, even if it is just the expense of one meal.
Maybe we need to modernize our dating rituals to accommodate advancements in gender equality.
Searching for a final answer to the ever-troubling question of who should pay on a date, I looked at magazines, books and Web sites to see what advice men and women receive on the subject. A great variety of views exist.
However, most sources agree the man should pay on the first date, and, on subsequent dates, whoever plans the date pays.
Personally, I have always expected a man to pay, at least on the first date. However, the more I examine this stance, the less sense it makes to me.
I fully believe women should be treated as strong and independent. Why do I want a man to buy dinner for me?
Expecting the man to pay on dates reinforces the traditional gender patriarchy. Perhaps women need to realize we cannot have it both ways. If we want independence, we must accept it. While part of me would regret the loss of free meals, maybe it is time for society to update dating rituals to reflect gender equality and female empowerment.
Mara is a senior studying journalism, broadcasting and mass communication technology.
Columnists' opinions do not necessarily reflect the views of The Spectrum