Friends with more complications than benefits
According to Harry, men and women cannot be friends.
In a much-talked-about scene in the movie “When Harry Met Sally” (no,
not that famous scene), Harry boldly declares that it is impossible for a man
and a woman to be friends; “the sex part always gets in the way.”
When a heterosexual man and woman try to form a close friendship, it’s almost inevitable that at least one friend will begin to hope for something more.
When a family friend of mine asked her husband of 22 years if men and women could be friends, he replied “Well ‘Jane’ and I have been friends for years,” but quickly added, “Of course, I have always wanted to sleep with her.”
Even if neither friend desires more, the lingering possibility will still exist.
By conducting a survey of users of the dating site match.com, researchers discovered that 83 percent of respondents believe men and women can be friends.
However, 62 percent of these same people surveyed have been in a platonic friendship that became romantic or sexual.
Assuming a close friendship is possible between a single man and a single woman, if either of the friends enters a romantic relationship, the friendship becomes even more complicated.
A romantic partner is likely to resent a significant other’s close friendship with a member of the opposite sex, leading to jealousy and problems in the relationship.
My friends and I once believed gay men were the loophole to the problems in friendships between men and women.
However, problems can arise in these friendships too.
Just because a man is homosexual does not mean a woman cannot be physically attracted to him, as a few of my friends can attest.
The classic breakup line “We can still be friends…” further complicates friendships between men and women.
While a friendship with an ex may be possible, the couple’s history probably exacerbates the problems typically associated with cross-sex friendships.
The quiz “Should You Be Friends with an Ex?” from Cosmopolitan magazine’s Web site shows how complicated friendships with an ex can be.
A close friendship between a man and a woman has the potential to be extremely rewarding.
According to an article in Psychology Today, cross-sex friendships benefit from the different dynamics found in a friendship between two men and a friendship between two women.
Both sexes bring aspects of typical same-sex friendships to a cross-sex friendship.
Men may welcome an opportunity to have a friend they can confide in and seek advice from.
Women may enjoy a more playful, carefree relationship than two women typically form.
In addition, women may find a friendship with a man to be a great opportunity to get the male perspective.
Perhaps a real friendship between a man and woman could be successful if they both were completely honest about their feelings toward one another.
But realistically, how often are people even honest with themselves about their feelings toward their friends?
Still, the rewards of a friendship with a member of the opposite sex are worth the obstacles.
And, hey, if the friendship doesn’t work out, it could be the beginning of a great relationship.
It worked for Harry and Sally.
Mara is a senior studying journalism, broadcast and mass communication technology.
Columnists' opinions do not necessarily reflect the views of The Spectrum