Perfection: Attainable?
Student shares story of eating disorder
For certain men and women, looking in the mirror can bring disappointment and fear.
Jenny Wegner, an English senior, began seeing her mirrored image as a young, overweight girl in eighth grade. She decided she wanted to see a beautiful, thin girl instead, which led to the beginning of a frightening habit.
Fearing the worse
As a young girl, her relatives constantly reminded Wegner she was becoming overweight. When looking back at old photographs, she realizes she was a healthy girl.
“ I would always have aunts who would say I was fat in kindergarten and third grade,” Wegner said. “I think it starts with depression because you have low self-esteem and you start doing things like that to your body.”
Wegner developed characteristics of a bulimic patient: inducing vomit after meals, using laxatives daily and exercising every day.
One day Wegner read an article in a women’s magazine about women who use laxatives. The article said women using laxatives could develop health complications.
“ I remember thinking, ‘Oh, I probably shouldn’t use these,’” Wegner said. “But at the same time I was like, ‘Who cares?’ I was going to use them anyway.”
Outside factors
When walking through her school, Wegner constantly reminded herself she was overweight. She would look at other girls and see herself as being less pretty and overweight compared to them.
The media and society are large factors in how women view themselves, Wegner said. Young girls and women shouldn’t try to compare themselves to models and actresses on television and in magazines.
“ As soon as people — especially girls — can realize that they can be comfortable in their own skin … that’s when things will get better and maybe eating disorders will lessen,” she said.
Discovery
Four years before her eating disorder was discovered, Wegner never thought she was a victim of bulimia. Instead, she thought her actions were a natural part of her life.
“ I didn’t know any other way,” Wegner said.
Wegner was able to hide her actions and her weight loss because of her involvement in sports. She was part of her high school’s swim team.
Wegner’s parents found out about her disorder and confronted her when she was a junior in high school. After eating supper one night, Wegner wanted to leave home to exercise, but her parents wouldn’t allow it. Knowing she needed to rid herself of the food she just ate, she decided to purge instead.
“ That was awful,” she said. “My dad was like, ‘Well, what are you going to do? Go downstairs and make yourself throw up?’”
Wegner was surprised when hearing her parents talk about her secret life.
Therapy and lockdown
After a visit from the family doctor in Jamestown, N.D., Wegner was referred to a psychologist in Bismarck, N.D.
Every week, sometimes twice, Wegner would travel to visit with her doctor. Wegner had to spend time in “lockdown” when therapy wouldn’t work. The most she spent at one time in lockdown was one week.
During her lockdown sessions in Fargo, Wegner attended group therapy and one-on-one sessions with psychologists. Every minute she spent in lockdown, Wegner was supervised, even in the bathroom. She wasn’t allowed visitors during the week unless her doctors approved them.
“The sound of the doors closing behind you, when you know you can’t get out is an awful feeling,” Wegner said.
Aftershock
High school became more strenuous after Wegner’s secret was known throughout the school. She missed classes many times while in treatment, which led to whispers in the school halls about her life.
“ People started asking questions, and then they thought I was weird or crazy,” she said. “It was devastating because it was something I had hidden for a long time and people started to find out.”
The struggle didn’t end in high school for Wegner.
After leaving home for college at UND, she began her old habits of disliking her body and purging after meals.
Wegner wouldn’t allow herself to eat certain foods, like hamburgers and pizza. Crackers, cheese sandwiches and carrots were common meals for her instead of a bowl of pasta.
“ Those were foods that I could eat that I felt had minimal calories and I wasn’t getting fat from,” Wegner said. “When I would binge, it didn’t matter what I would eat.”
Recovery is the most difficult part of having an eating disorder, Wegner said.
Wegner still meets with her psychologist, Dr. Claudette Reno, regularly. She credits her psychologist with her survival to this day.
“ I still don’t like my weight,” Wegner said. “I still don’t perceive my body to be what I want it to be, but I’m healthier now.”“The sound of the doors closing behind you, when you know you can’t get out is an awful feeling,” Wegner said.
Aftershock
High school became more strenuous after Wegner’s secret was known throughout the school. She missed classes many times while in treatment, which led to whispers in the school halls about her life.
“ People started asking questions, and then they thought I was weird or crazy,” she said. “It was devastating because it was something I had hidden for a long time and people started to find out.”
The struggle didn’t end in high school for Wegner.
After leaving home for college at UND, she began her old habits of disliking her body and purging after meals.
Wegner wouldn’t allow herself to eat certain foods, like hamburgers and pizza. Crackers, cheese sandwiches and carrots were common meals for her instead of a bowl of pasta.
“ Those were foods that I could eat that I felt had minimal calories and I wasn’t getting fat from,” Wegner said. “When I would binge, it didn’t matter what I would eat.”
Recovery is the most difficult part of having an eating disorder, Wegner said.
Wegner still meets with her psychologist, Dr. Claudette Reno, regularly. She credits her psychologist with her survival to this day.
“ I still don’t like my weight,” Wegner said. “I still don’t perceive my body to be what I want it to be, but I’m healthier now.”