The Honest Truth
Published: Monday, October 15, 2012
Updated: Monday, October 15, 2012 16:10
Dear Honest Truth,
My roommate just got a new boyfriend, and they seem like they really like each other and are really happy together. It’s exciting because it is her first boyfriend that she’s had in college, and they’ve known each other for a few years now. However, it hasn’t even been a month and she’s already beginning to spend the night over at his house and I am left worried about whether or not she’s OK. It’s unlike her to get super wrapped up in a guy, but I feel like they’re moving a little too quickly. She’s constantly on her phone, not hanging out with her friends, and being really secretive about him; for example, she let him sleep over at our house, and felt ashamed about telling us about it. I’m not sure if me and my other roommate are comfortable with that. He seems like a great guy and cares for her, but I don’t know him well enough to be comfortable with him spending the night in her room. I want to be supportive of their relationship, but I find myself becoming uneasy about the whole thing as it progresses. Help!
Dear Conflicted Cassy,
I understand where you’re coming from, because I had a similar situation happen with one of my roommates when she began dating a new guy. They seemed great for each other, but it progressively got to the point where he was basically living with us. I was uncomfortable around him because he was trying to control the way we ran things at our house. For example, one day he complained that a cup wasn’t washed well enough and that we need to scrub the dishes more when we do them. Uh, excuse me! Who is he to tell us how to wash our dishes? Finally, I sat down with my roommate and her boyfriend and explained why I was upset about the way things were at the house, including the fact that I was uncomfortable with him sleeping in her room as well as him telling us how to do our chores. After that everything seemed to run more smoothly. He respected me, he didn’t sleep over anymore, and my roommate realized what a douche he really was and ended up dumping him. Everyone won in the end. Try just sitting them down, explaining what’s bothering you, and you’ll be surprised what a difference it’ll make in your house.
Dear Conflicted Casey,
Even though you may be bothered by your roommate’s boyfriend sleeping over, you should realize that she is an adult and adults may occasionally sleep in the same bed if they’re dating. If they’re disturbing you, then that’s one thing; however, if you’re simply bothered by the idea that they’re sleeping in the same bed, maybe that’s just an issue with your personal morals. That being said, perhaps you shoving your morals in your roommates face may not be the best idea. Perhaps let her just live her life and make choices on her own. Another thing you might want to do is have a heart-to-heart and explain to her how you’re feeling. Once she knows what you’re going through, perhaps she’ll be more understanding instead of thinking that you’re judging her. The last thing you probably want is to become distant toward one another, so talking through the entire situation will always get things out into the clear and help avoid miscommunication between each other.