Warm weather: Who needs it?
If you were given a choice between 90-degree heat and a 50-degree day, which would you choose? The choice is easy for all North Dakotans and Minnesotans. I, however, am the exact opposite. That’s right, I choose 50, although 40, 30 or even 20 degrees is just dandy.
Now, before you roll your eyes or drop your jaws, hear me out. It’s a safe bet that most of the people reading this hail from areas that see bona fide, traditional winters every year: winters filled with snow, powder, slush, ice, frost, glaze, rime and any other form of frozen water.
I have not had that pleasure. I was raised in warmer climates like Tennessee, which on a good summer day could pass for the Amazon Rainforest (minus the piranhas). It did snow in winter, but only if you bribed the correct government official. I spent nearly seven years living in the Mojave Desert in Southern California, where summer temps range from 90 to 110 degrees give or take. In the winter, it rarely drops below 30. I feel I’m qualified to talk about heat. I believe cold weather is superior to sweltering heat for many reasons.
Let the record show that when temperatures drop below freezing, exposed parts of the body tend to turn red and go numb. So what if your face looks like a cherry tomato and you can’t feel your chin? I find this infinitely preferable to what happens when the temperature climbs above 80: sweat.
A biology teacher of mine once stated that the human body, to get rid of waste, capitalizes on sweat by adding waste products to it, expelling them from the body. In effect, he said, whenever we sweat, we are urinating through our skin.
And forget about going on a picnic, sleeping at night or sitting on anything metallic when the temperatures reach the lower 90s. To have a picnic outdoors during summer is to court sunburn, temporary blindness and a host of biting insects. True, there are countermeasures to these problems. But anything that requires you to slap on evil-smelling lotions, pesticides and to wear dark goggles is not my idea of fun.
Night time is no picnic either. You won’t need the covers when you go to bed, unless you think you didn’t sweat enough during the day. In moist climates like Tennessee, you’ll also be serenaded by the chorus of cicadas, crickets and katydids outside the window. In dry areas like the Mojave, you’ll be awakened at least eight times per night with sinuses, sore throat and nasal passages dry as the proverbial bone.
You can prepare for the cold. Measures include putting on extra layers, covering every inch of skin, jumping into a hot bath and so on. There isn’t much preparation for heat. Taking layers off will only get you so far before you’re arrested. Jumping into an ice water bath will likely just give you goose bumps and unpleasant memories.
Cold weather, for all the problems it causes, is better than hot weather and its irritations, discomforts and major inconveniences. But don’t take my word for it.
Take my spot in the Mojave Desert.
Columnists' opinions do not necessarily reflect the views of The Spectrum