Pinocchio’s revenge

You all remember the “birther” scandal, right? Where President Obama’s conservative opponents attempted to derail his campaign by claiming that he was not a natural-born U.S. citizen? We all know now, of course, that President Obama was indeed born in the United States, and that any allusions to his supposed “sketchy origins” are only a distraction from the serious issues facing the nation today.

It all seems quite unfair though, when you think about it. President Obama had to endure intense scrutiny about his origins, but nobody thought twice about questioning Mitt Romney’s. How do we know where he came from? Who he really is? Or, even, what he really is?
I mean, lets think about it for a minute. When he was the governor of Massachusetts, Mitt was a man who got things done. He reached across party lines, made compromises and helped the state of Massachusetts make social and economic progress. He was a Republican back then, as he is now, and yet he was willing to reach to the left and grasp the hands of right-reaching Democrats in order to benefit the people he represented.

Now, as a presidential candidate, his views have been seen as “too liberal” by the far-left conservative base that controls the Republican party. In order to win the nomination, then, Mitt allowed these people to tie strings to his arms and legs and parade him around the country, doing their will and acting at their beck and call. He has lost touch with his own self, left his own human nature behind in order to pursue a presidency. He has become, in many ways, nothing more than a puppet, controlled by conservative ideals.

Switching tacks for a minute, let us look back to the abandonment of honesty by the Republican party during the Republican National Convention. The slew of lies that issued forth from Tampa over the span of those three days are enough to make “Honest” Abe Lincoln roll over in his grave – three or four times, at least – at the thought that such a liar could be elected president. And puppets around the world shuddered to think of what would happen to Mitt’s nose when he finally stepped on the stage at the end of the convention.

Did you see it? I certainly did. By the time he finished flooding his misleading and deceptive slop across the stadium, his nose looked more like a telephone pole than a facial appendage.

So yes, the “birther” scandal was a thing, and nothing more than a major distraction for everyone involved. And no, I don’t advise the Democratic party to begin putting the screws to Gepetto in order to determine Mitt’s origins – more distractions are not what this election needs. But just keep in mind how unfair it is that Mitt never had to endure the embarrassment of having his origins questioned. Apparently nobody ever told him a puppet couldn’t be president. That position, Mitt, is reserved only for real boys.

Nathan is a senior majoring in landscape architecture. Follow him on twitter @nwstottler.